Thursday, January 8, 2015

NextLife.gov

Taylor still felt sick from the teleportation. He tried to count backwards from fifty-four. That sometimes helped. The fact that he rarely acquired more than four hours of sleep did not.
He sat in the waiting room of Next Life (NextLife.gov).
Another man sat across from him. The stranger read a digital copy of Entertainment magazine. “Looks as if Hollywood’s gonna release another Friday the Thirteenth reboot.”
Taylor realized that the stranger spoke to him. “Pardon?”
“To celebrate the one hundredth anniversary of the original,” the stranger explained.
“Oh.” Taylor stared at his callused hands. His knees ached. His head felt as if filled with cotton. He wondered who found the time to see a movie these days.
“I never understood the title, though,” said the stranger. “I mean, Friday the Thirteenth’s the least lucky day of the year, right?”
Taylor shrugged. “It might come more than once a year. I think.”
“Yet,” said the stranger, “everyone in the movie gets lucky. Don’t you find that odd?”
“They’re also getting killed,” Taylor pointed out.
“Yeah, but doing what they love.” The stranger produced a couple hip thrusts, lest Taylor not catch his drift.”
Taylor rubbed his eyes. Where do these people come from?
“Mister Ka?” someone said.
Taylor removed his hands to see a young woman in a business suit.
She offered her hand. “Kate. Shall we head to my office?”
Taylor shook her hand. “Lead the way, please.”
He stood and forced his tired legs to follow the young woman to her corner office with frosted glass walls. She sat behind her wide walnut desk. Taylor seated himself in the dangerously comfortable chair in front of it.
Don’t pass out. Don’t pass out. If you do, for the love of God, don’t snore.
Kate tented together her fingertips. “Mister Ka, here at Next Life, we stand committed to ensuring you the best next life that money can buy.”
She punched a few “buttons” on her touchscreen-desk. Holographic, green numbers scrolled across the wall behind her.
“As you can see, Mister Ka, your last monthly payment came late by over three days. At eight hundred dollars a day plus a two thousand reconnection fee—”
Taylor raised his hands. “What’s the bottom line?”
“Taking interest into account, we’ll have to raise your monthly rate by twenty percent to make up the difference.”
He rubbed his forehead. He already worked ninety hours a week. How could he hope to raise his income by another twenty percent? He would have to tighten his belt somehow, lower his expenses. How?
He cleared his throat. “Could we transfer my account to a cheaper program?”
She frowned. “Mister Ka, your current program only permits you, upon death, reincarnation into the first world. If I lower your payments one level, you’ll spend your next life in the third world. If you think this life proved difficult—”
“Right. Right.” Taylor sighed. “What happens if I die before I make the final payment for my current program?”
“In that likelihood,” Kate said, “you would receive a new life equal to the amount of money you paid by that point--minus the transfer fee."
Her fingers tapped some more virtual buttons. More green data spilled across her wall.
“As you can see—” she pointed at the data “—given your current debts, you can afford, at this point, reincarnation into a frog.”
“And how,” Taylor asked, “as a frog, could I afford to pay for a better life after that one?”
Her expression turned grave. “You couldn’t. That’s why it proves so very very important to always get reincarnated into the first world. Once you lose that, you’re lost, likely to return as a tree or slug after every death you experience thereafter.”
He rested his head in his hands. “I work so hard, already.”
Kate smiled. “Keep at it, Mister Ka. If you do, you can eventually purchase a new life as a member of the privileged. That’s what I apparently did in my last life.”
“All I can ever afford is the same life over and over again. How can I make the jump to the next level?”
She spread her arms. “Sir. I sit here as living proof. Work hard. Follow the rules. Your time will arrive.”
The rules. Taylor groaned. Next Life created a lot of rules that screwed people after death.
One of Taylors seventeen roommates, Jim, who shared his studio apartment with him, paid every month for a slightly better, next life. Unfortunately, a jeep hit Jim, killed the seventy-two-year-old before he could make his final three payments.
Next Life charged Jim a massive fee to transfer his account to another program. Only about half the money remained after that fee. Jim’s soul ended up in a skunk.

Taylor shook Kate’s smooth hand. He rose on weary legs and shuffled off to work.


(Thanks for reading. You might notice below that I changed the schedule for my blogs. I will, because of the number of projects on my plate, only produce a short story for this blog on Mondays. Fiction Formula will switch from Fridays to Thursdays. I apologize for any inconvenience, though I . . . doubt this will rock anyone's existence. Thanks again!)

I publish my blogs as follows:
Sundays: Movie reviews at moviesmartinwolt.blogspot.com
Mondays: Short stories at martinwolt.blogspot.com
Tuesdays: A look at the politics of the entertainment world at EntertainmentMicroscope.blogspot.com.
Wednesdays: An inside look at my novels (such as Daughters of Darkwana, which you can now find on Kindle) at Darkwana.blogspot.com
Thursdays: Tips to improve your fiction at FictionFormula.blogspot.com

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